That night, I was able to make love to Raymond and find some level ground with myself. I had come to the realization that I was never going to be satisfied with him. I mean come on, I was playing house with a man that barely knew my body or how to satisfy me sexually. It made no sense that I could roll my hips a bit, squeeze my pussy muscles every once in a while, moan for the hell of it, rub my nipples and still contemplate on what my next move was going to be with Julian. And Raymond had no idea. He just laid there with his hands behind his head with a hard dick and no fucking clue.
“Did he tell you what the dinner was going to be about? I didn’t know you two were even talking–”
Average dick and all, Raymond was still sexy with damp skin and a towel hanging around his neck.
“–No, it’s not like that. He called my office and left me a voicemail, insisted on dinner and that he wanted to make a donation. I actually think that maybe this has something to do with you and all the work that you’ve put in for him lately. It does make sense don’t you think? A donation to the library is huge. You know, especially since the levy failed and although we’re making a strong comeback, a donation is just what we need. But, if you don’t want me to go, I can just tell the board–”
“Don’t be ridiculous Jye. I guess it’s just odd that he reached out to you is all.”
“Well, maybe he has a thing for books. I don’t know, but I’ll find out.”
I wrapped my arms around Raymond’s damp waist giving him a quick embrace.
“Don’t worry babe, this is just business.”
“I’m not worried. We have a huge backyard, I’ve got a shovel in the shed, rope, plastic, duck tape… yeah, I think I’m prepared for the worst”, he said cracking his knuckles.
“Whatever babe. I gotta go, I don’t want to be late.”
“Hey”, he grabbed me by my elbow to keep me from walking away from him, “I love you”, he said with all seriousness in his eyes.
The way he said it, made me stop and really look at him. For me, this felt like the beginning of a goodbye. Why is he pulling this mushy shit now?
“I love you too”, I said.
I said it back to him, but I wasn’t sure how much I meant it anymore. It felt more like an automatic response than me expressing my feelings for him. I mean, I did love him but did, was becoming more of a past tense the more I thought about our future.
I arrived twenty minutes early with plenty of time to have a drink at the bar and give myself a pep talk. Do you really want to be that kind of woman Jye? The other woman? He already told you that he will never leave his wife, so what role would that leave for you? Would you rather have love and mediocre dick or no love and amazing dick? I winced at my choices. Either way, the outcome was fucking horrible, but would I really be that devastated if Julian and I stayed like this for a couple of years? I don’t think he would be opposed to me still being with Raymond and fucking him on the side.
I shook my head. Who would have thought I would be making choices like these just three and a half months after to our engagement? I’ll just make a proposal of my own once Julian gets here. Then who knows, maybe I’ll just have fun for now and see where this ends up. I knew I was possibly making a horrible mistake, but it wasn’t like I wanted any children of my own one day so I wasn’t worried about things like that and settling down. I had plenty of time to settle down if Julian and I didn’t pan out. I sighed in frustration. Are you fucking kidding me? What the hell are you thinking? I’m nobody’s side chick. I’ll fuck him until he’s dry and that’s that.
“I’m not that late am I?” Julian startled me from my thoughts.
Mutherfucker, if he wasn’t finer then fuck. He smelled good and it turned me on. I wanted him to slow fuck me up against the wall or on top of this bar. I watched him button his blazer and take a seat on the bar stool in front of me.
“Oh I was just thinking about work that’s all”, I lied.
“Is something troubling you?”
I took a sip of my Chardonnay before I spoke.
“No, no. How was your day?” I asked changing the subject.
“Actually, it was pretty good and speaking of work and business… this is for you.”
Julian reached into his pocket and handed me an envelope. I didn’t know rather or not he wanted me to open it but I was curious to find out what it was.
“Should I?” I asked.
“Sure, by all means, open it.”
The bartender sat a drink down in front of Julian without him asking for it. I assumed he must be a regular here. I took a peek inside of the envelope. It was a check made out to the library, one hundred thousand dollars! Although I was shocked and excited, I kept my shit in check and composed myself in a professional manner.
“Julian this is very generous of you. Thank you.”
“No thank you. You’ve been extremely generous and accommodating to my needs.”
“All apart of the game right?” I said taking another sip of wine.
“Indeed. Jye, I need to be frank with you.”
“Okay”, I said sliding the check into my purse.
“Maybe we should take this over to a table.”
I let Julian lead the way as he walked over to a table far off into a corner. I bet it was reserved for him at all times, I thought jokingly.
“Jye, you made me break my absolute rule. I don’t make love to women, I only fuck them.”
“Then why did you make love to me?” I asked hopefully and hoped that it didn’t show in my voice.
“Because you needed me to make love to you Jye, and I wanted to give you that, but because of that, the game is over.”
“Okay, so what exactly does that mean? No more adventer–”
“We are done fucking. It’s over. It will not happen again.”
His tone was even and all business. A side of him that I didn’t know. I assumed that this was the Julian that got to where he is today. I didn’t know how to feel or what I wanted to feel at that very moment.
He stared at me with calmness and not a care in the world as if he was waiting to seal the deal or some shit, and then I started to get all kinds of fucking pissed when I realized that I wasn’t going to be getting that dick anymore. Instead of slapping the goddamn taste out of his mouth, I chose to keep calm and be professional.
“Very well. Your phone?” I asked.
He scoffed and waved his hand dismissively as if my two-word question offended him.
“Okay. Enjoy your fucking evening Julian”, I said in the nicest voice I could muster through gritted teeth.
I took longer then I wanted to get up and grab my purse just in case he wanted to stop me or say something. He did nothing.
After driving for a few miles, I ended up having to pull over from being blinded by tears. Pull your shit together Jye! But I couldn’t talk my way out of this one. Julian had left my pussy wanting more and knowing that I was never going to experience that shit again… cut me deeply. I can’t believe I was falling for him… for all the wrong reasons, yes, but none the fucking less, I felt an emotional connection with him. I reached into my glove compartment and pulled out my emergency vibrator. I was horny, I was mad and I was hurt. I needed to orgasm my way out of this, tears and all.
Out of all days, I decided today to wear a pantsuit to make a point to Raymond. I pulled my pants down and took off my right shoe so that I could slide my leg out of my pants and got into the backseat. I inserted the awkwardly shaped vibrator in my pussy designed to hit my g-spot, good for a quickie when I needed it. I call it, “No Bullshit”. As soon as it was in position I turned it on and instantly I felt my juices flowing.
My heart was broken and I was upset with myself for even thinking I had a chance to be with him. What made me think that he would actually fall for me? Clearly, he had done this with another woman, which is why I fell so fucking stupid! I let Julian play me, and most of all I had played myself like a damn fool! And for what? The familiar feeling of a potential orgasm made me forget what had just happened only fifteen minutes ago but then my mind drifted back to Julian and the tears came non stop.
“Mutherfucker! If you didn’t want something to happen why didn’t you just fucking tell me instead of going along with it!” I screamed in between moans and tears.
The louder I sobbed, the deeper I fucked myself with the vibrator.
“That son-of-a-bitch! Green-eyed bastard!”
I was full fledge fucking myself in the backseat of my car with my leg cocked up squirting all over my back seat and I could care less. I thought about all the times we had sex and how big his dick was and how he filled every inch of me. How hard I would orgasm at the thought of just fucking Julian and then fucking Raymond. My pussy would be so swollen and tight that while I fucked Raymond, most of my screaming was from the pain Julian had put me through prior. I felt the prickling sensation in my chest knowing that I was on the verge of coming. The vibration became too much for me to handle, I could barely continue the rhythm of the stroke but I didn’t care right then. I spread my legs wider and played with my clit, throwing my head back on the headrest while the tears rolled down my face and down to my neck. I bared down and came full force with a cry that came from deep inside my chest, giving into the release and my pain.
9 months later…
It had been nine months since I broke off the engagement with Raymond. I came to the realization that no matter how hard I tried to put everything behind me, there was always that part of me that knew that I would never be satisfied being his wife. I was now focused on my career and not worrying about the stressors of being someones forever. I felt myself drifting off into something other than being at this meeting. I felt the familiar heat begin to settle in between my legs. It had been a long while since I had sex. Even my masturbation had been put on hold a couple of times because of how busy I’d been at the library, thanks to Julian. Suddenly, a small spark of interest had begun to rekindle and found it’s way to me. Since Jessica had been on maternity leave, I hired a temporary replacement. Tyler seemed to be a few years younger than me but he was always on top of his game and he wasn’t bad to look at either. I began to cross and uncross my legs as I felt the feeling growing with intensity by the seconds. I checked my phone and counted down the minutes until my alarm clock would go off as planned.
I grabbed a sticky note and wrote, “Want to play a game? Meet me in the bathroom on the upper level of the construction area in the new building. 15 mins.”
I slid the note to Tyler and got up just in time for my alarm to go off.
“Excuse, me I have a potential investor to meet with”, I said to our board leader Ken.
He gave me a smile and nodded. I watched Tyler from the corner of my eye as he read the note and turn a shade of red. I made my way out of the boardroom. He has no idea.